12/01/2008 11:23:00 AM

The book of the generation of the Young Sparrows, their travails in the wilderness, and their eventual arrival in the promised land of the Glenwood.

IN Arizona, land of the Mexicans and Navajo and various brown peoples, at the residence of our fathers, we, Matt, Tyler, Jeff, and Landon saw that it was needful for us to obtain another place of residence, for God had cursed the land that the women had become slippery, and no man could hold his own. Thus after multitudinous councils and depositions and revelations it was made known to us that the land northward of Provo, hitherto full of waifs and vagabonds, was to be given to us for an inheritance. Therefore we girt up our loins and travailed through many wanderings until at last we beheld the land of Bountiful, and Jeff was wroth for we had traveled too far northward. The countenance of Tyler fell, and all were sorely vexed. Thus the Lord smote upon the inhabitants of the land Bountiful and its coasts, and a famine waxed strong amongst them, until their beast of burden cumbered the land and the stink rose to heaven. Thusly afflicted we took our course up to Provo and pausing on the border of the land, Landon cast his eyes upon the land flowing with milk and fine honeys of wanton vestments, and desired them to wife. Behold, the daughters of the Provoites charged usward and danced before us with siren songs of great temptation, that they should please us and we should desire them to wife, for they were exceedingly fair and comely. And it came to pass that Matt was grieved, and his bowels were filled with ire and he spake thusly:
"Thou wicked daughters of Provoites, clad in mantels of wickedness and mincing as you go, why comes ye up today to tempt us, that we should desire you to wife? We rebuke you with many gnashings of teeth and declare that we come to claim your lands and if ye will not repent of your evil doings and depart with a covenant of peace, we will spill your odiferous perfumes and ointments upon the ground, as if they were blood." The womens rent their clothes in anger and rushed forth and thus by stratagem they desired to vaunt up on us the yoke of bondage.
Crying upon the Lord for sustenance and reinforcements, Matt rallied his brethren, for behold, their were fighting for their future lands and future wives and future college degrees, and thusly empowered they cast their eyes up to heaven and beheld a boy of flaxen hair falling from the sky, and a fell light was in his eyes, and a high doom was about him. Thus came Jordan to the fellowship, and he gat upon the more wicked part of the women that they died. Thus we see that the Lord maintains his chosen servants that they should at some future time preserve their seed in the land. And after that the iniquitous women had been destroyed and the righteous ones spared, we went up and possessed the land, and there was peace in the land for many years, and we wrought upon our homework, that it was graded with A's, yeah and also B+'s. And thus we prospered and begat awesome stuff and were blessed in all things even unto the present day.


Darryl Morrell said...

So, what homework assignment were you avoiding when you wrote this?

Matthias said...

This was actually our apartment introduction for ward prayer.

Darryl Morrell said...

Oh, I should have guessed. Did any women swoon on the spot?