Pull my finger. Now. Do it. Now. Do it now. Pull my finger.
2/27/2009 05:52:00 PM
When you don't know what to say, but still want to complain, go here.
I intend on sending a 10 paragraph letter of complaint to Glenwood.
2/23/2009 02:21:00 PM
Jazz composer Simon Thorne has been kind enough to let us know what Neanderthal music possibly sounded like.
If this is Neanderthal music, then I'm glad they aren't around to keep bothering us with it.
2/20/2009 04:26:00 PM
Jared & Sam: Only in Provo!!!
It's real!!!! I thought I had seen it that way, too. See also fetus evolution chart above linked blog post.
2/17/2009 05:45:00 PM
So according to this video, if you walk up to a random person in Osaka and pretend you're shooting them, they'll play along and pretend they've been shot. If I had only known this while I was on my mission...
2/17/2009 05:35:00 PM
I thought this was interesting... and kinda gay. But mostly just interesting and funny.
2/15/2009 08:17:00 PM
So according to this article, there are "... three phases of love, which include lust, attraction and attachment. Lust is a hormone-driven phase where we experience desire. Blood flow to the pleasure center of the brain happens during the attraction phase, when we feel an overwhelming fixation with our partner. This behavior fades during the attachment phase, when the body develops a tolerance to the pleasure stimulants. Endorphins and hormones vasopressin and oxytocin also flood the body at this point creating an overall sense of well-being and security that is conducive to a lasting relationship."
Hmmm...
2/14/2009 10:25:00 AM
Kissing: It really is all about chemistry
| Reuters: "Valentine Lotharios beware: There's a lot riding on a kiss, new studies on the science of smooching suggest.
Researchers said kissing sets off a complex set of chemical reactions, and in some cases, a bad kiss could be the kiss of death for a burgeoning romance.
'A kiss is a mechanism for mate assessment,' said Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Jersey, who is presenting her findings on Saturday at the American Association for the Advancement of Science meeting in Chicago.
Fisher, an anthropologist, told a news briefing that kissing is something more than 90 percent of human societies practice, but scientists are just beginning to understand the science of kissing, which is known as philematology."
2/13/2009 02:14:00 AM
So I was looking around for some good ideas for dates and things to do around Provo when I realized something - the people who make these lists are complete imbeciles. I mean these people are so out of touch it's not even funny! (Even though it is...) These are the sorts of people who enjoy staring at blank walls in their apartments. Now, if we establish that as some sort of baseline for fun, then I suppose everything these people suggest is fun, if only marginally. For example, compared to staring at a blank wall, collecting canned food does sound like fun.
A few of the more ridiculous items I've run across include, but are not limited to:
-Reading Trip - Go to a bookstore, each pick an interesting book and read them to each other.
Ok, this could be fun if there were some element of danger involved. If one were to attempt to remove the books from the store and read them outside without paying for them, it would still not be interesting enough. This date idea can only be remedied by the addition of a potato gun. Load said gun with a book you hate and fire it in the bookstore. There, now it's fun! (Even better if you fire it AT an employee)
Fun level - 3.5 flaming chilies
-Kid Olympics - Put on an Olympics for little kids.
Completely ridiculous. This has pedophile written all over it. And how does this work? Do you round up all the neighborhood kids (In this case Helaman Halls?) and tell them to run races? I tried to do that all summer long and let me tell you, children do not like structured competition. You will have the kids that lost crying all over the place. Not fun. This could be fun if you gave them all paintbrushes and some 'oops' paint from Home Depot and told them to go paint their garage doors. Whoever paints the biggest dinosaur wins!
Fun level - Dino-mite!
-Clowns - Dress up like clowns and be in a parade.
This one makes me want to swear. How insulting is it when they think we'll buy this idea? Nothing more need be said.
Fun level - .1
-No Talking - Go on a date where neither of you can communicate verbally (this might not be too hard in some situations).
They are no longer content with merely insulting our intelligence with ridiculous suggestions. They are now literally trying to destroy relationships.
Fun level - Poor
-Kidnapping - Dress up like a robber and “kidnap” your date. Rush in with a group of friends stealing him or her away to some fun activity.
I've seen this one done before, and believe me, the girl always completely flips. It can take hours to calm her down. Wounds may result. But... it would be way fun if you rushed into the girl's room and fired a potato gun! Heck, we'll just leave the date at that.
Fun level - Matt, don't try this one
-Bow and Arrow - Go into the woods and get flexible sticks. Get bailing twine or some kind of strong small rope and make bows. Then have target practice with them.
Nothing says "I'm really cheap" like gathering sticks in the woods. Although I must admit, I remember doing this on family camping trips. I also remember it taking about 10 minutes before it got old. It would be fun if you actually killed something... Or started making out.
Fun level - 2 flaming lips
-Work Out - Do your muscles a favor and get some blood pumping through them.
If there is a date that says "I am a douche bag" it is this one.
Fun level - 45 Kg
-Poetry Reading - These can be a lot of fun, especially if you have a poem you can go up and read.
Hahahahahahaha!
Fun level - 1.5 split sides
-Meet the Grandparents - Double with your grandparents for dinner and play some fun date games with them.
Holy crap, I know who has been writing this list the whole time now! Grandparents should be introduced only AFTER you are married.
Fun level - ERROR
-Visit A Rest home - Visit some of the elderly at a nearby rest home it's a great way to hear some great stories.
Again, I'm fairly certain I know who wrote this entire list...
Fun level - N/A
-Dollar Date - Go on a date where you can’t spend more than a dollar. The possibilities are endless!
Keep in mind this list was written circa 1930. You could buy a house for a dollar. (Ok, I'm being a bit facetious. More like a car...) This could only be a fun date if you suddenly realized that it wasn't a one dollar bill but a $100 bill! And then you STILL only spent one dollar!
Fun level - $1.00
-Donate Blood - Donate blood at a local blood bank.
While we're at it, why don't we put down "Enlist with Selective Services"? This does not constitute a date.
Fun level - Approximately 1 pint
-Ring Shopping - Pretend like you are getting married and go shop for rings.
What the crap?
Fun level - What the crap?
-Bird Watching - Get a book at the library and then go bird watching.
No. Unless it's part of a picnic or something else. But even then... no.
Fun level - Self-inflicted head wound
-Drawing/Painting - Paint or draw a portrait of each other.
All I can think of is Napoleon Dynamite...
Fun level - 1 shaded upper-lip
-Historic Cemetery - Visit the cemetery in downtown Salt Lake where a number of prominent LDS leaders are buried.
Weird. I'd do this, but not for a date...
Fun level - Porter Rockwell. Or maybe J. Golden Kimball.
-Garage Sale/Ebay Date - Go garage sale hopping and try to find the best deals then sell them on Ebay. Use the money you make on your next date.
This one is hilarious, because you might end up losing money and out on a second date.
Fun level - POSITIVE: Fast payment A+++++++++!!!!!!
2/04/2009 10:17:00 PM
I never understood what that phrase meant until I read this article.
1/29/2009 01:44:00 AM
So at this site you can upload a picture of yourself and see what you would look like devolved into a Homo heidelbergensis, Homo erectus, or even a Homo habilis. Sweet.
1/28/2009 11:39:00 PM
myriad - Definition from the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary: "usage Recent criticism of the use of myriad as a noun, both in the plural form myriads and in the phrase a myriad of, seems to reflect a mistaken belief that the word was originally and is still properly only an adjective. As the entries here show, however, the noun is in fact the older form, dating to the 16th century. The noun myriad has appeared in the works of such writers as Milton (plural myriads) and Thoreau (a myriad of), and it continues to occur frequently in reputable English. There is no reason to avoid it."
Huhah!!! and they told me I couldn't use it like that.
1/26/2009 09:13:00 PM
Ridiculous. That guy is obviously in complete darkness. Shouldn't you at least turn your TV on if you're going to play some video games? No wonder they found a bunch of losers in their study.
Look at the other photos from the press release here
1/26/2009 09:06:00 PM
BYU News - Release
'The research is based on information collected from 813 college students around the country. As the amount of time playing video games went up, the quality of relationships with peers and parents went down.
“It may be that young adults remove themselves from important social settings to play video games, or that people who already struggle with relationships are trying to find other ways to spend their time,” Walker said. “My guess is that it’s some of both and becomes circular.” '
I, on the other hand, have done my own scientific research (faculty mentor: kiefer sutherland), and have found a direct increase in the quality of my relationships as a result of video game usage. In fact, some of my best memories in the past 18 months of being back from my mission have been playing video games. And I normally get more dates when I play video games, too. I keep asking myself, "Why haven't I been doing this more often?" and "How can I increase my video game playing?"
The bogusness of this study is further proven through the following paragraph:
“Relationship quality is one of a cluster of things that we found to be modestly associated with video games,” Walker said. “The most striking part is that everything we found clustered around video game use is negative.”
You see, even without my improved relationships, I can still identify several positive things from video game use. For example, if you came at me with a trench gun and the juggernaut perk enabled, I would know to knife you in the neck instead of trying to get you by shooting you 25 times with the M1A1 Carbine. If that's not positive, I don't know what is. I mean, I've got skills like knowing when to throw a flash bang and how to use an aperture scope.
Not to mention the keen sense I have of people sneaking up behind me. Just think of all those people who get killed by lurkers in alleyways - I bet THEY wished they had played a little more video games! That's a negative effect of NOT playing video games. But they're not included in this study because THEY'RE DEAD!!!
Besides, I think it's pretty obvious from the website that the faculty mentor just did the research paper because she wanted to hook up with the undergrad.
1/23/2009 03:35:00 PM
The Bible is quite clear on where goats stand in God's eyes. This may be why some particularly percipient Nigerians decided to take action. Whatever the reason, we are at least spared one more robber-goat.
1/18/2009 12:07:00 PM
US Airways Jet Lifted From Hudson - WSJ.com: "According to material posted on the FAA's Web site, the type of engines on the US Airways jet were certified to be able to keep operating for five minutes at 75% of normal takeoff power after ingesting a total of five birds, each weighing 1.5 pounds. If a single bird weighing four pounds gets sucked into an engine, FAA standards require it to be able to shut down safely, without a fire or internal disintegration."
It might have been interesting to have been on the team to figure that out.
1/15/2009 09:05:00 PM
These Japanese monkeys think they're human. I can vouch for their humanity. They tried to take my wallet once in Kyoto to buy a pair of shoes.
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