12/30/2008 02:49:00 PM

Man Invades Home Dressed In BBQ Sauce

ABC News

Wow. Slow news day.

12/29/2008 10:55:00 PM

I will never have to do this

I think this woman is actually a man. Either way, I'm glad I will never have to do this. Unfortunately our female readers can't say the same.

...we do have female readers, right?

12/29/2008 10:52:00 PM

Hands down the worst website ever...

Behold. Truly a crime against humanity...

12/28/2008 09:36:00 PM

Social Security: Possibly the Biggest Ponzi Scheme Ever

Is Social Security a Ponzi Scheme? - BusinessWeek: "Ultimately our ability to make good on the “Ponzi-like” nature of Social Security depends on the continued march of technological progress—and in particular, innovation which boosts output and living standards. If we leave the younger generation a good legacy—a sound scientific and technological base, combined with an innovative and flexible economy and an educated workforce—then Social Security is not a Ponzi scheme. The economy grows, and there’s more than enough resources for everyone.

But if instead we—the current generation—invest in homes, flat-screen televisions and SUVs, then we don’t leave the next generation with the technological “seed corn” they need. If the technological progress slows, then Social Security does turn out to be Ponzi-like—with unfortunate consequences for everyone."

12/28/2008 06:45:00 PM

Most Awkward Moment Ever

What are you doing here?: man asks wife at brothel
| U.S.
| Reuters
: "A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees.

Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.

'I was dumfounded. I thought I was dreaming,' the husband told the newspaper on Wednesday.

The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported."

12/25/2008 12:02:00 AM


This is completely nuts!

12/18/2008 06:20:00 PM

Foot Grows in Baby's Brain

ABC News: Foot Grows in Baby's Brain

12/16/2008 08:57:00 PM

Casual Sex: The Rest of the World's Definition of "Hanging Out"

Op-Ed Columnist - The Demise of Dating - NYTimes.com

This article reminded me of Elder Dallin H. Oak's talk on dating vs. hanging out. And then it reminded me that for most people who aren't Mormon, "hanging out" is really just a pretext for fornication. Hanging out (in a Mormon context) sounds quite benign to me once again.

12/15/2008 06:44:00 PM

Communist Party!

No one parties like the communist party!

12/03/2008 05:23:00 PM

Awesome shirts

This guy has made the illustrations for a lot of great shirts for Despair.com, and now he's got his own website featuring his designs. If they were cheaper, I would be sorely tempted to allocate significant funds to the purchase of his stuff.

12/03/2008 12:56:00 PM

facebook ads now targeting matt pace

screenshot of new romney pest control ads on my facebook

12/01/2008 11:22:00 PM

Hear Hear

I'm surprised this liberal newspaper let this opinion piece headline.

12/01/2008 11:23:00 AM

The book of the generation of the Young Sparrows, their travails in the wilderness, and their eventual arrival in the promised land of the Glenwood.

IN Arizona, land of the Mexicans and Navajo and various brown peoples, at the residence of our fathers, we, Matt, Tyler, Jeff, and Landon saw that it was needful for us to obtain another place of residence, for God had cursed the land that the women had become slippery, and no man could hold his own. Thus after multitudinous councils and depositions and revelations it was made known to us that the land northward of Provo, hitherto full of waifs and vagabonds, was to be given to us for an inheritance. Therefore we girt up our loins and travailed through many wanderings until at last we beheld the land of Bountiful, and Jeff was wroth for we had traveled too far northward. The countenance of Tyler fell, and all were sorely vexed. Thus the Lord smote upon the inhabitants of the land Bountiful and its coasts, and a famine waxed strong amongst them, until their beast of burden cumbered the land and the stink rose to heaven. Thusly afflicted we took our course up to Provo and pausing on the border of the land, Landon cast his eyes upon the land flowing with milk and fine honeys of wanton vestments, and desired them to wife. Behold, the daughters of the Provoites charged usward and danced before us with siren songs of great temptation, that they should please us and we should desire them to wife, for they were exceedingly fair and comely. And it came to pass that Matt was grieved, and his bowels were filled with ire and he spake thusly:
"Thou wicked daughters of Provoites, clad in mantels of wickedness and mincing as you go, why comes ye up today to tempt us, that we should desire you to wife? We rebuke you with many gnashings of teeth and declare that we come to claim your lands and if ye will not repent of your evil doings and depart with a covenant of peace, we will spill your odiferous perfumes and ointments upon the ground, as if they were blood." The womens rent their clothes in anger and rushed forth and thus by stratagem they desired to vaunt up on us the yoke of bondage.
Crying upon the Lord for sustenance and reinforcements, Matt rallied his brethren, for behold, their were fighting for their future lands and future wives and future college degrees, and thusly empowered they cast their eyes up to heaven and beheld a boy of flaxen hair falling from the sky, and a fell light was in his eyes, and a high doom was about him. Thus came Jordan to the fellowship, and he gat upon the more wicked part of the women that they died. Thus we see that the Lord maintains his chosen servants that they should at some future time preserve their seed in the land. And after that the iniquitous women had been destroyed and the righteous ones spared, we went up and possessed the land, and there was peace in the land for many years, and we wrought upon our homework, that it was graded with A's, yeah and also B+'s. And thus we prospered and begat awesome stuff and were blessed in all things even unto the present day.

11/28/2008 05:49:00 PM

Tetris just got way cooler

No longer is Tetris disobedient to the laws of physics! My dad introduced me to this radical game where you try to build the tallest tower possible out of 99 Tetris pieces that are subject to gravity and momentum. (To keep the idle online chatting of idiots from distracting you from your game, just click on the high scores tab.)

11/26/2008 09:11:00 PM

Incredible Robotics

These robots are so lifelike they border on creepy. Check out the videos. BigDog is probably the most mindblowing.

11/25/2008 10:18:00 PM

One of those things you hope you never have to use

A Bed Bath and Beyond catalog recently brought this fascinating device for personal back shaving to my attention. To be honest, I was amazed that the web site wasn't someone's geocities page.

11/24/2008 08:42:00 PM

Dancing just got a whole lot better

I might actually enjoy dancing if I could learn this one.

11/22/2008 02:43:00 PM

Farting will get you sent to jail

A hard lesson which we all have to learn at some point in our lives...

11/22/2008 02:27:00 AM

Some fine manscaping

Over at Schick's website they have a pretty awesome and innovative way to upload a photo of yourself (or anyone, really) and see how amazing you would look with various facial hair styles. Do yourself a favor and check out how hot you could be with a handlebar mustache. Then do it with a picture of a girl you know. Not only does it give you a preview of outrageous beard options, it generates a customizable animated portrait that can do some really weird stuff.

11/20/2008 05:16:00 AM

Dana Milbank - Flying From Detroit on Corporate Jets, Auto Executives Ask Washington for Handouts - washingtonpost.com

Dana Milbank - Flying From Detroit on Corporate Jets, Auto Executives Ask Washington for Handouts - washingtonpost.com: "'There's a delicious irony in seeing private luxury jets flying into Washington, D.C., and people coming off of them with tin cups in their hands,' Rep. Gary L. Ackerman (D-N.Y.) advised the pampered executives at a hearing yesterday. 'It's almost like seeing a guy show up at the soup kitchen in high-hat and tuxedo. . . . I mean, couldn't you all have downgraded to first class or jet-pooled or something to get here?'

The Big Three said nothing, which prompted Rep. Brad Sherman (D-Calif.) to rub it in. 'I'm going to ask the three executives here to raise their hand if they flew here commercial,' he said. All still at the witness table. 'Second,' he continued, 'I'm going ask you to raise your hand if you're planning to sell your jet . . . and fly back commercial.' More stillness. 'Let the record show no hands went up,' Sherman grandstanded."

11/20/2008 02:11:00 AM

"You will even forget where you come from"

Anyone looking to buy some rap lyrics?

11/18/2008 03:44:00 PM

Really going to the dark side

These guys know how to travel in style.

11/17/2008 06:15:00 PM

Awesome digital painting

This guy
does some pretty incredible stuff with Photoshop. Someday he may decide to take me on as his apprentice and I will become the heir to a massive cache of Photoshop talent.

11/16/2008 11:38:00 AM

More on Poo-Gate

Sydney hotel in the mire over fouled ice cream - Times Online: "She said one of her sons screamed at the hotel staff: “you’ve made my mum eat poo”."

11/16/2008 11:32:00 AM

Too much maple syrup

I've been to Canada, I know what it's like. Also, be careful about making people mad in Australia.

11/16/2008 01:43:00 AM


From now on, I get all of my news here.

Horned human skulls have been discovered, chupacabra has been caught, Hitler flew UFOs, and an interview was conducted by a Swedish man with a female alien named Lacerta. This alien report in particular is true and you should all take this very seriously.

11/16/2008 01:00:00 AM

Greatest Website Ever

Use this the next time you tell a joke... and use this the next time nobody laughs at said joke.

11/10/2008 10:55:00 AM

John Williams' kindred son

Alan Williams is a BYU graduate who wrote the music for the animated short Pajama Gladiators.  His website features music from some of his awesome scores.  Kilimanjaro and Lewis and Clark are particularly invigorating.  They caused my soul to quake and tremble.

11/09/2008 07:57:00 PM

"God blesses those who take out his sweet spirits." - Just Another Cassio

"God blesses those who take out his sweet spirits." - Just Another Cassio: "QDear 100 Hour Board,

On the BYU.edu front page, there's a link to the Y Facts searchable database. Interesting Stuff. Under the 'Religion' section, included with the 'other' religions is a category called 'Preferred LDS'. I have tried figure out what that means, but I have had no success. Would it include people belonging to FLDS or 'The True and Living Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints'?

The answer to the above question should help me understand why 'Preferred LDS' is included in 'Other' while RLDS is included in 'Other Christian'. That seems a bit incongruent to me.

Thanks for your help!

- Jordan"

My question has been answered on the 100 hour board!!!

11/08/2008 07:33:00 PM

Achievement is our middle name

Our blog has risen to the true mark of greatness! We are now the #1 result on Google for the word "terriblicity"!! May the annals of Google forever preserve our pulchritudinous image!

11/08/2008 07:26:00 PM

hypoxanthine-guanine phosphoribosyltransferase

Who makes these Wikipedia entries?


11/07/2008 12:49:00 AM

You could get a real one...

I hope nobody is actually stupid enough to buy this $250 Guitar Hero controller...

11/06/2008 10:16:00 AM

We're all gonna die

Russia Warns of Missile Deployment - NYTimes.com: "MOSCOW — President Dmitri A. Medvedev of Russia greeted his future American counterpart, Senator Barack Obama, with bristling language on Wednesday, promising to place short-range missiles on Russia’s western border if Washington proceeded with its planned missile defense system in Eastern Europe.

TV sets in a Moscow store showed President Dmitri A. Medvedev’s speech on Wednesday, in which he spoke of liberalization.
In a speech to the Federal Assembly, Mr. Medvedev said Russia had “no inherent conflict with America” and invited the new administration to start afresh with Moscow. However, he did not congratulate Mr. Obama on the election he had won only hours before, or even mention him by name.

Later in the day, the Kremlin announced that Mr. Medvedev had sent Mr. Obama a congratulatory telegram."

By the way...who sends telegrams? Wasn't that like over 100 years ago?

11/06/2008 12:39:00 AM

500 Panama Canals

From the Freakonomics blog:

"Consider the following: in 2003 alone, nine billion person-hours were spent playing the video game version of Solitaire — enough to create 500 Panama Canals."

11/05/2008 06:21:00 PM

Ye Winter Booty

With winter fast approaching, people are wearing different stuff. Gone are the lazy naked days of summer. It's time to bundle up or freeze to death. In the spirit of that bundling, many girls have opted for that most nefarious article of shaggy footwear, the Ugg boot. As it's name indicates, Ugg is the sound that upstanding citizens see immediately after seeing the boot and immediately before throwing up in complete revulstion that someone actually thought it was a good idea to put their leg in that thing. Incidentally, Ugg is also the name of the first cave-dwelling woman to fashion such a shoe. You see, girls have been at this shaggy boot thing for a very long time. In ice ages past large tribes of feral women roamed the frozen tundra in search of woolly mammoths they could slay and turn into boots. Now, imagine for a moment the shocking scene of packs of modern day girls sprinting after cuddly mammoths intent on beating them to death with their oversize purses. I will admit that watching a bunch of fashion-conscious Amazons run down wild beasts sounds pretty entertaining (especially if they do so in high heels) but think of the mammoths! The innocent and cuddly creatures deserve better than to be butchered to appease the wardrobes of wanton women! Girls will defend their heinous crimes by saying that Ugg boots keep their feet warm while they walk through the snow. I can think of a lot of better ways, like fire. Just put a little propane on your shoes and light them up. Or walk on your hands. Or use a rickshaw. There are a lot of options that don't involve the killing of mammoths and inducing nausea on people who see your shoes.

I propose that we place a ban on boots made of mammoths killed by poaching girls. Only mammoths that died of natural causes (like tar pits or meteors) should be used to make shoes. Next time you see a girl with Ugg boots on, politely inquire as to the source of the furry hides, and if she's unable to verify that they were fabricated from naturally preserved mammoth corpses, you have my permission to use propane, rickshaws, meteors, etc. to destroy her boots and teach her a valuable lesson. Take the moral high ground. Save the mammoth.

11/02/2008 01:00:00 AM

Evolution of a Lego man

This site chronicles the development of the Lego minifigure in all it's glory.


10/31/2008 10:43:00 PM

What could have been

On the night of November 4th, Republicans everywhere should ask themselves, "What if?"

10/31/2008 02:41:00 PM

Sarah Palin's Greatest Hits

10/31/2008 02:30:00 PM

Joe Biden's Greatest Hits

10/30/2008 11:47:00 PM


10/30/2008 04:19:00 PM

The True Meaning of Halloween

This excellent video debates whether or not Americans have forsaken the true meaning of Halloween.

10/30/2008 09:17:00 AM

Pajama Gladiators!

The latest BYU Animation short is competing for the title of Most Seriously Awesome movie of all time over at the 5th annual Nicktoons Network Animation Festival.  It's only up today, so head over there to experience the wonder for yourself and vote for our homies in animation!

10/30/2008 01:17:00 AM


"Sherm's Ultimate Gripper Dog is bacon wrapped then deep fried! Topped with ham, homemade chili, cheese, mustard, bacon, hot peppers, onions and a fried egg."

The only thing it's missing is ranch dressing...

10/29/2008 04:58:00 PM

Barry Obama

I found this interesting -

10/26/2008 12:56:00 AM

The Devil Went Down to Georgia

Is it just me, or does it look like the Russians went to that girl and her mom and said "Hey, I'll give you like two thousand bucks to go on fox news and tell them that the war was all the Georgian's fault."?

10/25/2008 05:09:00 PM

GI Jews

"I want that you all respect these young woman's."

10/25/2008 04:56:00 PM

Smoking in a crowd of people is funny

Watch at 1:45 into the movie - No one seems to care.

10/25/2008 04:51:00 PM


10/25/2008 04:44:00 PM

Vote for Max Hall...everyday

O'Brien Award - Register and vote for our quarterback for The O'Brien National Quarterback Award

10/23/2008 02:08:00 AM

Falltime frivolities

10/23/2008 02:05:00 AM

Virtual leaf blower

Go here http://www.everydayflash.com/flash/pv3d/leaves/ and blow into the mic on your computer. It's magic!

10/21/2008 07:21:00 PM

A Question!

Mitchell asks:
1. How is it possible for Matt to be so good looking, yet so single?
2. Also, what sort of super powers do the young sparrows posses?

Matthias answers:
1. That is an excellent question, and I wish I knew the answer. It is obviously baffling that a specimen such as myself wouldn't be constantly mobbed by specimens such as Scarlett Johansson. In addition to potential love interests being intimidated to date a man with superpowers such as mine, there was one incident that still strikes fear into the feminine heart . . .

Once upon a time I discussed the growing number of iPods seen on campus of the BYU with my fellow young sparrow brethren, and it was determined that the iPod had become the ultimate sign of hipness and virility to the female student body. We reasoned that white headphones were cool, but how cool would it be to show off your Apple awesomeness with some gigantic musical bling? I set out the very next day to experiment. I arrived on campus with a Mac Mini hanging on a guilded chain from my neck with large speakers strapped to my shoulders. As predicted, the moment girls set eyes upon the gadgetry of my bosom they were overcome with lust and rushed at me in hormonal surge. The ground began to shake as I powered up the speakers and in a thunderous voice I commanded them to halt or be destroyed. Though I was loathe to harm the vixen mob, I had no choice. I pushed play. Devastating sounds waves burst forth from my speakers with apocalyptic doom, blasting back the waves of wanton females. Thousands were injured in the cacophonous skirmish. My musical mayhem had broken a lot of bones and even more hearts, even now no girl has forgotten that day. Therefore I remain seperate and single for a little season yet, until the day when a challenger will rise and our musics will duel, and if she defeats me, she may have me.

As for Young Sparrow's special powers, I leave it up to the group to disclose their individual abilities.

Landon answers:
I once belched for over a minute straight.

10/20/2008 11:55:00 PM

Obama IS the Messiah!

...or at the very least a saint. Here is irrefutable photographic evidince -

To quote the Apocalypse of Barack 12:39 -

"A light will shine down from... somewhere. It will light upon you. You will experience an epiphany. And you will say to yourself, I have to vote for Barack. I have to do it."

10/20/2008 12:22:00 AM

Elance: Post Project

This is our job posting that we couldn't make because we wouldn't pay more than $4. :(

Elance: Post Project: "What we need done:
We are trying to figure out how to create a link at the top of our Bllogspot page that is positioned over the title of the blog ('The Young Sparrows') which is a part of the entire header image file. Therefore, it does not currently have a link, and we want people who put the mouse cursor over the title, 'The Young Sparrows' to have the option to click on the area and return to the home page. We don't know enough about the web coding to be able to do this.

the site is http://youngsparrows.blogspot.com

We are a group of college students, so we don't actually have very much money, but this site looks pretty cost effective, and we would love to have some help for a good price.

What we have for you:
We will send the code of the blog from Blogspot to you, and you can look at it. We're not sure if it would be necessary for you to actually access the Blogger dashboard to make the necessary modifications, so we are willing to work with you to give you access to whatever you need to finish the job.

Estimate of time/Budget:
This shouldn't take more than an hour. Therefore, we have a budget of $4.

Thanks for your bids."

10/19/2008 10:47:00 PM


So, before the first home BYU football game, I told my children of the trumpet section to honor tradition, spirit, and honor. Really, I only said tradition, but the other two seem to flow naturally behind the first. I told them to make each game a tradition, and further I said that they MUST be superstitious. All games must be preceded by the same routine, as is done by I believe most professional athletes. I championed not washing their game day clothes, but rather setting them up to become crisp. That, I have found, makes the football team win. Generally, I said, the same undergarment should be worn while viewing away games on the television. This would ensure victory, I promised. Well, this last week, in an act of abismal defiance, I challenged my own words. I wore the wrong outfit, and my beloved Cougs were not only slaughtered, but they were cut into steaks and packaged and sold in nearly every major supermarket in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. Furthermore, in my self-defiance I failed to cut my hair, leaving it long (nearly over the top of my ears!!), and unmanagable. For this reason and this reason, the Cougars lost that football game to eye-bleeding horned frogs of TCU. Sorry Max Hall. Sorry Austin Collie. Sorry Dennis Pita. Sorry Bronco Mendenhall. I have failed you, and I will never do so again. I sincerely ask for your forgiveness. Just for fun, I found this picture of one of BYU's offensive linemen that allowed the frogs to sack Max Hall 7 times. It looks like he is a round steak. That is the caliber he played, at least. If TCU were made into steaks, they would probably be Top Sirloin or New York Strips, but alas, they played well, and weren't cut into steaks. Once again, I am very sorry and will never let this happen again.

10/12/2008 02:50:00 AM


If you desire to ask a question, go right ahead in the comments section of this post.  Step right up, the first one's free!  Until we deem your inquiry worthy of response, satisfy your thirst for knowledge at the FAQ section.

We reserve the right to ignore you if your questions are lame, too hard, or in languages other than English/Spanish/Portuguese/Japanese/C++.

10/12/2008 02:12:00 AM


What? A blog? I thought blogs were for young married people who want to fill up the internet with pictures of themselves and/or their babies! What are you guys doing with a blog?

A formidable question to be sure. Indeed, billions of such blogs have spewed forth innumerable photos of infants and boring stuff dressed up amid cutesy templates. We, however, have a higher and holier mission than the proliferation of infantile paraphernalia. We have set out on a perilous quest to bring ridiculous awesomeness to the masses. In times of economic uncertainty and general upheaval, we provide relief to the untold legions of dejected web surfers. We stand firm and resolute in the face of boringness, wantonness, and stupid stuff. We are the architects and aggregators of epiphanies, strokes of genius, and brain children. With charity in our hearts and the sword of justice in our hands, we have wrought upon the cyberspace and brought forth this blog in the hopes that beings such as yourself will partake freely of the magniloquence and mayhem and go thy way rejoicing.

Did you just pluralize "brain child?"
Yes. And I think that's a first.

Is "magniloquence" really a word?
Yep. Jeff taught it to me.

What does "Young Sparrows" mean?
It's an inscrutable reference to something that you will just have to figure out on your own. Feel free to send us your best guesses, and if you get it right, we'll give you billions of dollars in mortgage-backed securities. On a side note, it's also a great name for a rock band. If any of you go and start a band and use that name, we will level your house.

Are you really as awesome as you say you are?
Our greatness is self-evident. All men are not created equal.

Are you single?
That depends on who you ask.

Do you offer merchandise?
We are selling several checks to the denomination of 700 billion dollars that were signed and endorsed by all five authors of this blog for the amazing low price of two payments of $29.95 or 30 kilos of Brazilian rosewood.

We'd like to build a 30 ft statue of you guys. What materials would you prefer?
African ivory.

10/11/2008 08:25:00 PM

Hailing from the southlands, I present the freakiest animal ever. It is ok if it disturbs you, because it does me. This thing has issues, and needs to be put to sleep. Or at least use some sort of hair product.

10/10/2008 05:04:00 PM

It's pretty self explanatory

10/10/2008 02:05:00 AM

Cougar band trumpet section sallies forth!

The amazing T-shirt design for the musical guardians of justice, the trumpet section.

10/09/2008 07:00:00 PM

Quantum cryptography


10/09/2008 04:37:00 PM

Divorce rises to new heights

If I ever get divorced . . .


10/09/2008 12:01:00 PM

National Debt Clock runs out of digits - Times Online

National Debt Clock runs out of digits - Times Online: "It appears even technology cannot cope with the global financial crisis: the National Debt Clock in New York has run out of digits for the first time.

The electronic billboard hit its limit after US public debt rose above the $10 trillion mark for the first time on September 30.

As a temporary fix the dollar sign has been switched to a figure--the '1' in $10 trillion. The clock is currently marking the US federal government’s national debt at about $10.2 trillion.

The clock, located in Times Square in New York, shows the amount of money owed by the US government. It was created by the late Manhattan real estate developer Seymour Durst, who put the sign up in 1989 to call attention to what was then a $2.7 trillion debt."

10/09/2008 11:50:00 AM

Portugal Porto | Reuni�es

<img src='graphs_html/portbult.gif'> Portugal Porto | Reuni�es: "Here is what we would like to ask of you please:

Information on the get together:
- Bring something to eat for the potluck
- We will be having a group picture
- Bring some memorabilia, photos, etc.
- Practice the song 'Who are these children coming down' from Saturdays Warriors. Pres. Brown loves this song. If you would like, you are welcome to sing any other songs you feel appropriate."

See last bullet point.

From the mission reunion invitation for missionaries serving in the Portugal Porto mission under President Brown, held this past month.

10/08/2008 11:05:00 PM

Donald Trump - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Donald Trump - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: "In addition, Trump reportedly receives $1.5 million for each one hour presentation he does for the The Learning Annex. [24]"

10/07/2008 04:17:00 PM

A Haiku

If you are tender to them

The young sparrows
Will poop on you.

Unfortunately, I didn't write this.

10/06/2008 10:45:00 PM

Giants among Men

10/06/2008 10:38:00 PM

Beware world!

Bursting onto the scene of blogdom is the greatest and most awesome blog of anywhere, the Young Sparrows ride forth to conquer all enemies and heap unto themselves endless concourses of women in an explosion of cyberpopularity!  More radness to come!

10/06/2008 10:07:00 PM


It looks like the only option is for the two Young Sparrows blogs to a have fight to the death. To the victor go the spoils, err whatever.